So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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