There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
