walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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