I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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