my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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