I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
