Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
