Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
