you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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