i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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