Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
