You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
