am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize