I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
