I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
