i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
