apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
