there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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