There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
