I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
