Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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