I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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