Pappa wants mamma naked
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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