rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize