she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
