Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there was a trapeze. enough said
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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