Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
