Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
