i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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