I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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