my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
