It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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