I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
