I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize