I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
