final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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