oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
