I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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