Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize