Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
