I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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