I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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