1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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