if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Two words: blizzard sex
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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