that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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