??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
