i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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