I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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