I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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