i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
