you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
