Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
