I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
