If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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