Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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