I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
