Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize