haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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