I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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