Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
