Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
