i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
