just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
