I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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