Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
