We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
