Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize