Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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