maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
