Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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