Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
