dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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