Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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